Wednesday, February 20, 2019

Dear Fourth Child


Dear Fourth Child,

It's me, Mom.  Truth be told, you've been a holy terror the last few days.  Perhaps your teeth hurt, or you're testing your independence, or perhaps you've just reached your limit.  But right this minute, you are sleeping on the couch next to me while your sisters play downstairs.  And I finally have a quiet moment to just look at you.  Yes, you're having a rough couple of days, but I want you to know that you are a very, very good boy.

It isn't always easy to be the littlest.  I know that naturally you prefer your space, but generally you can't walk through a room without some sibling getting in your face.  I know it isn't easy getting woken up and dragged out of your cozy crib into the cold morning air to drive your brother's carpool, or to stay up later than you'd like to watch your sister play her basketball game.  And naps!  Oh, those naps!  You get them when you can.  In the car, at the table, and sometimes you just pass out on the floor.  It isn't easy spending your toddlerhood in the hallways and bleachers of the older kids practices and lessons.  I can tell you prefer calm and quiet, but you live in constant pandemonium and noise. 

When I think about how tranquil the older kids babyhoods were, I feel a sharp twinge of guilt.  Slow mornings, a trip to the park, so many stories read, and then long quiet naps.  So little activity, and what activity there was mostly revolved around them.  You would have loved it.    

But you, little man, you're living a different kind of life.  You are the fourth, coming almost five years after the third. We joyfully welcomed you in the midst of a very busy season of life.  At five days old, you went to your big sister's choir concert.  At a week old you're were fussing in the carpool line, and by the time you were four weeks old you spent every morning at swim practice and many afternoons trying to sleep through piano practices, slamming doors, and those "Irish whispers" of your well-meaning siblings.  

The other day, I was lamenting the fact that I don't read to you half as much as I read to the other kids, that your nap schedule is basically non-existent, and that I often put bowls of cereal on the opposite end of the house so I can get a few uninterrupted moments of homeschooling in with your sisters.  I kept thinking, "Poor kid, I am not giving him enough!"  And then I walked into the kitchen and saw you surrounded by your siblings.  They were trying to get you to count, but you were laughing and being coy.   Finally you told them to "dop it!" and ran out of the room.  Later that day, I heard you count, "one, two, f-wee!"   

Fourth child of mine, that small little instant reminded me that I don't have to be your only teacher or mother or story-reader or playmate.  You have a brother and two adoring sisters that have many lessons to share with you and stories to tell you.  Even in your short life, you've learned to be flexible, patient, and you've learned to sleep anywhere!  And know that for years, those big siblings of yours prayed hard that God would send them a baby just like you.  They are your biggest fans.  And God-willing, they will be your confidantes and friends long after Dad and I have left this world.  So, yes.  Of course, you live with more chaos, but you also live with more love.  

I hope this letter will make up for the fact that you are still wearing you pjs and you had McDonalds fries for lunch two days in a row!

Love,
Mom


The Basket Case: Shopping like a Mother


I took a deep breath as I rode the escalator up Mount Buy-More; one child in an ergo carrier, one clinging to my back, and another one grabbing my leg.  A modern day sherpa at the suburban summit of one-stop-shop convenience.   I needed pulls-up (potty training!), half & half, white socks and vitamins.  That's it!  Seriously! Sure, I had 3 kids with me, but the list was simple and this big box store with its promise of ease and accessibility had me all sorts of confident.  I looked over at the stack of red baskets and thought, "I think I could just grab a basket for this trip."   But as my already sweaty palm reached for that crimson siren with it's dainty handle, something stopped me.  An angel, intuition, or perhaps just the sheer experiential wisdom of 11 years of parenting staid my hand and I shook my head with a bitter laugh:  

Oh Kathleen, you are not a basket person anymore! 
But, I only need four things. 
Sure, you do!
I do!
But this is Target!
Fine!

Soberly, I grabbed a super size cart and told the kids to hop in, but Linus stopped short and politely said, "No, fanks.  I don't fink I can go dare.  I walk, ok?"

Ok.
It's just four things.  He could use the exercise.  

By the time we made it to the baby section my cart was half full with pencils, granola bars, wrapping paper, and clorox wipes that they were practically giving away!   I talked up the excitement of potty training to Linus and boldly declared that we would find the coolest, raddest, big boyest pull-ups that ever existed. 
"No, fanks.  I not a big boy.  I'm just too little."
"But we'll have a party and you'll get candy!"
"I don't fink so."
I ignored his hesitation and began to spread out a variety of options which included a few titans of the toilet like the Incredible Hulk, Spider Man, and of course, no one knows how to make it to the potty like that dependable old Thomas the Tank Engine!   I wasn't even mentioning real-live cotton underwear yet, but Linus was panicking.  We're talking quiver lips, deep breathing panic!  So at the top of his lungs, to God and everyone, he announced, "I LIKE TO POOP IN MY PANTS!"   All-righty, then!

A few passerbys looked at me as if I was the one making such proclamations, but undeterred, I listed off all the "big boys" that were potty-trained.  The list is quite long, actually.   And just then, I heard the most ungodly sound come from the baby.  Oh no!  This happens once a week and normally requires at least one, maybe two, hazmat suits.  

I asked my 7 year old to get me new clothes and a diaper for the baby.  (Yes, we count these outings as field trips for her business/math/psychology class.)  But by the time, I pulled the baby out of the carrier, it was too late.  The damage was done, and apparently I had also forgot the wipes and diapers.  Sweet.

And then I remembered I was in the diaper section of Target.  Wipes! Onsies! Diapers!  Like a mad woman, I dashed about grabbing supplies and trying to tear into these boxes one handed with a crayon as I held the soiled baby and continued to field comments about how "dat Hulk is too cary for my pants!"  I knew I had no time to reach the land of changing tables without ruining the both of us.   So I laid out a blanket--the only thing besides crayons in my purse--and took care of business.   Just four things, and somehow it descended into a literal sh*% show!

But we rallied, we really did!   We just need half & half, vitamins and--dang--what was that other thing?  

An hour--yes, an hour!--later, we were finally pulling up to the registers to pay.  Exhausted and shaky--do not shop before eating breakfast, people--my cart overflowed with la croix, wipes, diaper boxes (HUGE), milk, apples, and sidewalk chalk.  I didn't have room for the sour cream or the raw chicken, so I stuffed that in my purse.  Don't worry, I paid for it! 

And in the midst of the unloading and the fielding questions about the Yucatan peninsula and fishing out Linus' unapproved additions, I looked up and saw the most beautiful young woman. High-heels, curled hair, cute outfit, so put-together!  Then I saw it.  She was carrying a basket.  A red basket!  My basket!  She was probably just running in for some breath mints and a greeting card. 

God Bless her and her basket. 

I was a basket person once.  But now I shop like a mother.  And mothers use carts.  Big carts.  And we fill them up to the brim and stuff them with all the stuff needed by those little basket cases who've stuffed our hearts so full.   

And then, I looked down again at that raw chicken in my purse and I just smiled.  I really like this cart I'm pushing.  I really do!

Oh, and for the record, I forgot the socks!